Monday, March 08, 2010
I'd Like to Thank the Academy
Since the root of "academic" is "academy," it seems like we should have our own Academy Awards. Colleges have been around since long before movies; we got here first!
As with the Hollywood version, the red carpet pre-show would be the most entertaining part, by far. "Sporting a twelve-year-old sport jacket over an oxford shirt visibly straining between the buttons..." "You don't often see a corduroy jacket worn with such authority..." "Who says cell phone holsters can't be chic?"
A few suggestions for categories:
Best Performance by a Job Applicant Swallowing Bitterness at Being Judged by People Who Wouldn't Make the Cut Now
Best Soliloquy at a Faculty Meeting (20 minute minimum)
Most Moving Invocation of Lost Golden Age (20 minute minimum)
Best Performance by a President Explaining a Tuition Increase
Editing: Most Judicious Response to an Unhinged Public Diatribe
Special Effects: Best Simulation of Actual Resources
Best Supporting Actor, Administration: Dean who Carries Out Misguided Initiative of VP while Somehow Maintaining his Own Integrity
Best Supporting Actor, Faculty: Professor Who Manages to Act As If There Are No Dumb Questions
Best Supporting Actor, Student: Student who Manages to Laugh at Every Joke by Professor, No Matter How Awful
Costume Design: award retired in honor of the MLA convention
What categories would you add? Nominations are still open.
As with the Hollywood version, the red carpet pre-show would be the most entertaining part, by far. "Sporting a twelve-year-old sport jacket over an oxford shirt visibly straining between the buttons..." "You don't often see a corduroy jacket worn with such authority..." "Who says cell phone holsters can't be chic?"
A few suggestions for categories:
Best Performance by a Job Applicant Swallowing Bitterness at Being Judged by People Who Wouldn't Make the Cut Now
Best Soliloquy at a Faculty Meeting (20 minute minimum)
Most Moving Invocation of Lost Golden Age (20 minute minimum)
Best Performance by a President Explaining a Tuition Increase
Editing: Most Judicious Response to an Unhinged Public Diatribe
Special Effects: Best Simulation of Actual Resources
Best Supporting Actor, Administration: Dean who Carries Out Misguided Initiative of VP while Somehow Maintaining his Own Integrity
Best Supporting Actor, Faculty: Professor Who Manages to Act As If There Are No Dumb Questions
Best Supporting Actor, Student: Student who Manages to Laugh at Every Joke by Professor, No Matter How Awful
Costume Design: award retired in honor of the MLA convention
What categories would you add? Nominations are still open.
# posted by Dean Dad @ 2:23 AM 
Comments:
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Hahahahaha...
More:
"Best performance by a newcomer: the student shocked by the doubtful response to the news that here/his 5th, 6th, or 7th grandmother has died"
"Best special effects: ire produced by student informed that there are no make-ups to the make-up to the make-up exam.""
More:
"Best performance by a newcomer: the student shocked by the doubtful response to the news that here/his 5th, 6th, or 7th grandmother has died"
"Best special effects: ire produced by student informed that there are no make-ups to the make-up to the make-up exam.""
Thanks for your funny comments. It is very amusing and entertaining. I especially like the part about the best performance by a president explaining tuition increase. This is a very timely issue and your humorous commentary unfortunately seems to be increasingly relevant.
Best Supporting Actor, Administration: Dean who Carries Out Misguided Initiative of VP while Somehow Maintaining his Own Integrity
Ooh, Ooh, I have a nominee, but he would have to decline.
Ooh, Ooh, I have a nominee, but he would have to decline.
Best Editing: the dissertation advisor who manages to more than 3% of your work untouched by red pen
Best Sound Editing: the professor who takes a ridiculous statement/opinion offered by a student and actually relates it to the topic that was actually up for discussion
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Best Sound Editing: the professor who takes a ridiculous statement/opinion offered by a student and actually relates it to the topic that was actually up for discussion
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