Thursday, September 10, 2015


Cub Reporters

The kids had their first day of school in their new town this week.  I needn’t have worried; they’re resilient and likable, and immediately clicked with new classmates.  The Girl, entering sixth grade, was excited to have Drama Club, Model UN, and STEM Club as options.  (As a veteran of Model UN, I’ll admit to some parental pride on that one.  To this day, I can’t hear “point of information?” without flashing back.)  The Boy has already joined the marching band, and is planning to join cross-country for the fall and basketball for the winter.

I had to smile at the difference between the first-day reports, though.  The Girl, eleven, gave a twenty-minute play-by-play, with details, names, and impressions.  The Boy, fourteen, just smiled and said that someone farted in Biology.  He considered that a full report.

Further bulletins as events warrant...

The key to the boy is follow up questioning.

"What kind of fart was it? Wet or dry? Resonant or squeaky? Did it roll like thunder? Per the George Carlin fart taxonomy, was it a fizz, a fazz, a fizz-fazz, a ripshit, a tear-ass, a snorter, or one that goes 'phewww?' How would you rate its pungency and the smell's persistence? The density of the cloud? Details, boy!"

That'll get him talking.
Ha! Nice one, Brother of Dean Dad!

Maybe I said it before, but they sure lucked out to be making the move when the kids were moving into middle and high school, respectively. Both are times when new groups have to form and many students get a chance to reinvent themselves. Everyone is in a new school, and old cliques are diluted. A kid from out of town and a kid from a different school look equally out of place, and there are a lot of the latter. They should fit right in, and I wish them well in the transition.
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