Tuesday, January 31, 2006

 

Elephants (A Play in One Scene)

Scene: The Dean’s Office. A large elephant defecates calmly on the floor. The Dean attempts to address the elephant in the room with Prof. Ben Long-Tenured.

Dean: Thanks for coming, Ben.

Prof: Glad to, Dean. What’s on your mind?

Dean: Well, Ben, it’s the elephant. The smell is overpowering, and

Prof: Why wasn’t I told of this before?

Dean: Huh?

Prof: Why wasn’t I told of this before? I thought everything was fine! I have memos from you thanking me for showing up for (last official function)!

Dean: Yes, and I’m glad you showed up. But about the elephant...

Prof: What elephant?

Dean: The one in the room.

Prof: This is really about my (race/sex/age/sexual orientation/disability/religion), isn’t it?

Dean: Well, no, it’s really about the elephant.

Prof: You hesitated, didn’t you? Now I’ve got you. I’m going to file a complaint with HR.

Dean: To get to HR, you’ll have to step around the elephant.

Prof: You can rationalize it any way you want. This isn’t right.

Dean: The elephant isn’t right.

Prof: You’re too inexperienced for this job. It’s true what they say about you, you know.

Dean: This isn’t about me. This is about the elephant.

Prof: We’ve been working this way for twenty years, and nobody ever complained. Now you come in, sitting pretty, passing judgment without the facts.

Dean: Ben, the fact is, I’m knee-deep in elephant shit. There’s nothing pretty about it.

Prof: This isn’t right. You don’t know the history.

Dean: Well, the recent history involves a large elephant...

Prof: Twenty years! Does that mean anything to you?

Dean: Not nearly as much as the flies...

Prof: This is evil. You’re committing an evil deed. There’s evil in this world, you know. Bad consequences come to evildoers.

Dean: We disagree on that. Now, about the elephant...

Prof: What does (the VP) think about this?

Dean: He keeps asking me about the elephant. Also about my shoes.

Prof: The Administration doesn’t care. You people don’t know what it’s like.

Dean: (sigh)

Prof: When I started here, back in...

(Curtain)



<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?