Scene: The Dean’s Office. A large elephant defecates calmly on the floor. The Dean attempts to address the elephant in the room with Prof. Ben Long-Tenured.
Dean: Thanks for coming, Ben.
Prof: Glad to, Dean. What’s on your mind?
Dean: Well, Ben, it’s the elephant. The smell is overpowering, and
Prof: Why wasn’t I told of this before?
Dean: Huh?
Prof: Why wasn’t I told of this before? I thought everything was fine! I have memos from you thanking me for showing up for (last official function)!
Dean: Yes, and I’m glad you showed up. But about the elephant...
Prof: What elephant?
Dean: The one in the room.
Prof: This is really about my (race/sex/age/sexual orientation/disability/religion), isn’t it?
Dean: Well, no, it’s really about the elephant.
Prof: You hesitated, didn’t you? Now I’ve got you. I’m going to file a complaint with HR.
Dean: To get to HR, you’ll have to step around the elephant.
Prof: You can rationalize it any way you want. This isn’t right.
Dean: The elephant isn’t right.
Prof: You’re too inexperienced for this job. It’s true what they say about you, you know.
Dean: This isn’t about me. This is about the elephant.
Prof: We’ve been working this way for twenty years, and nobody ever complained. Now you come in, sitting pretty, passing judgment without the facts.
Dean: Ben, the fact is, I’m knee-deep in elephant shit. There’s nothing pretty about it.
Prof: This isn’t right. You don’t know the history.
Dean: Well, the recent history involves a large elephant...
Prof: Twenty years! Does that mean anything to you?
Dean: Not nearly as much as the flies...
Prof: This is evil. You’re committing an evil deed. There’s evil in this world, you know. Bad consequences come to evildoers.
Dean: We disagree on that. Now, about the elephant...
Prof: What does (the VP) think about this?
Dean: He keeps asking me about the elephant. Also about my shoes.
Prof: The Administration doesn’t care. You people don’t know what it’s like.
Dean: (sigh)
Prof: When I started here, back in...
(Curtain)
