Tuesday, April 22, 2008


The Pre-Ninja Program

The Boy announced on Sunday that when he grows up, he wants to be a Ninja. Naturally, this got me thinking about a 'Pre-Ninja' program for my cc. In turn, that got me thinking about outcomes assessment for the Pre-Ninja program.

From the Pre-Ninja program's report to the Curriculum Committee in 2014:

Student Learning Outcomes:

By the end of the program, students will be able to:

Assessment Tools:

General Education Requirements:

This Year's Assessment Findings:

“The department found that most of our proto-ninjas were reasonably adept at pummeling, pouncing, and skulking, but many still struggled with glowering menacingly. We're thinking of adding a Public Speaking requirement.”

Articulation Agreements:

All unwritten, as befits the code of the Ninja. Also, we keep losing the damn things.

Graduate Survey Results:

75 percent of the graduates we contacted indicated satisfaction with the program, though many threatened to kill us in our sleep for daring to call them at home. We've also identified an issue with technology. Apparently, the top tier upper-division Ninja certification programs require that their graduates be able to see the matrix. We've appointed an ad hoc committee to look into it.


While the Pre-Ninja program does a fine job of preparing its students, it needs to step up its recruitment efforts. With help from Student Life and the Admissions Office, this Fall we will pioneer a dual-enrollment program with the local Vo-Tech high school to recruit pre-ninjas as early as the ninth grade. We've abandoned our efforts at Renaissance Faires, since ultimately, even we have standards. Finally, based on some unfortunate incidents with Career Services, we have taken it upon ourselves to remind students not to eviscerate unctuous recruiters, no matter how richly they may deserve it. As a result of our intervention, we're pleased to report, eviscerations are down nearly 50 percent over last year.

That was great. Any thoughts on turning it into a series?
Thank you for starting my day off with a grin! Am forwarding this to my friends/colleagues involved in outcomes assessment at my institution.
I was having a horrible morning at work. Reading this made it a little bit better. Thanks!
I minored in Ninja Studies as an undergrad. (My college was known for the strength of its Ninjutsu program; you couldn't get across campus without at least one smoke bomb going off in your face and two blood oaths of revenge sworn against you.) I'm sure I can help the boy with his skulking and "touch of death" techniques. The spinning in midair was always a problem, due to my love of crullers.

You could educate The Boy yourself in at least one basic ninja skill. I know he'd appreciate it. Start at lesson #1: "Son, ninjas are silent killers. You know what else is silent and deadly? My farts!"

Knowing TB, I assure you, this will kill. And you will gain the rank of "honorary ninja dad."
I will totally be passing this around discretely during today's outcomes and assessment meeting!
Thanks for the laugh.

The one big omission I see was in outside accreditation of the program, which should, of course, be conducted by AskANinja at askaninja [dot] com.
I'm given to understand that there is a violent rivalry between the Ninja School Establishment and the various Pirate Schools scattered around the country (e.g. Yale Business School). Often, having the students patrol and defend the campus can be justified as Federal work-study, which is better for everyone.
Oh-my-gawd that was funny.

I have a second grade boy who has, at times, desired to grow up to be ninja (I got him his first ninja outfit about a year ago). I am glad to see our higher education system responding to the changing needs of todays students and tomorrow's leaders.

Oh-my-gawd that was funny.
This will completely become one of my outcomes assessment exercises for class. Very useful and incredibly funny.
That was hilarious, as everyone agrees.

Hey, do your ninjas know that they can't ride bicycles at night while dressed like ninjas? I think that's a bad idea, not that I profess ninja studies or anything like that.

I am especially impressed that your graduates can accomplish point 1, "rip a man's heart out and show it to him before he dies," at the Pre-Ninja level. As you know, at our local R1 university, heart-ripping is considered an upper-division-level skill, not to be practiced until the prerequisites, NIN 50 (Disarming Your Enemy with a Toothpick) and NIN 100, the survey of silent strangling techniques, have been successfully completed.

We are pleased to see such accomplished students matriculating at our university and hope to work productively with the Pre-Ninja Program to ensure that their classes transfer smoothly.


Interim Director of Ninja and Women's Studies
But you forgot the history gen ed requirement--

HIS 101-- Silent Death: Historical Perspectives on Ninjas
Don't forget the foreign language requirement for the Ninja Studies program: 2 semesters of Japanese and one half-course on foreign language film dubbing.

(at the post and the comments, too!)
This is hilarious! I actually wrote a book that combines college success strategies and personal development with ninja attitude and ninja humor. It's been a hit so far! thanks for the laugh
i fell these ninja classes. Apparently its possible, one of the other requirements is to be able to snap your teachers neck, without the dean noticing it happening. I snap his neck, but farted on the leave, damn my stomach.
I think it is cool for some people to live there dreams of being a ninja. For one I would love to be a ninja, the reason is, is that I would love to scare my cousin. He is a jurk. a real big jurk.
Does it cost any thing to do the Pre-Ninja program?
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