Friday, July 29, 2005

These People Have Tenure

This actually happened.

I got a call from a tenured professor who was upset that she was being charged for destroying her college-issued laptop. She destroyed it by running it over with her car.

She. ran. it. over. with. her. car.

In what context would this even happen? Under what circumstances, other than sheer malice, would you actually run over your laptop with your car? How would the laptop get under the wheels in the first place? Did the car drive itself into the dining room, hop up onto the table, and accelerate?

I’m baffled.

I’ve spend the last few weeks going over this in my mind, again and again.

Did the laptop have a death wish? Was it struck with the ‘Darwin’ virus, causing it to grow legs? Maybe the laptop lost its will to live after a particularly insipid email?

The tenured professor insists that it is grossly unfair that she be charged. After all, the laptop was relatively old.


She has tenure, and I don’t. And I’m supposed to manage her.

I’ll just avoid her in the parking lot.