Friday, August 25, 2006

 

Memo to the Scientific Community

To: Scientists

From: Dean Dad

Re: Pluto

I have been fond of you folks for a long time. I remember sitting through Cosmos, watching Carl Sagan juxtapose himself against the infinity of the universe, and wondering which was more tedious, but not holding it against you. At times, in grad school, when attempting an especially tight corner in my 1989 Tercel hatchback, I would reflect on my high school physics teacher's claim that centrifugal force was 'ficititious,' and decide that she must have been smoking some of Sagan's stash. That, too, I could forgive.

You folks have given us the internet, without which blogging would be a bit more tedious. (Anyone else out there remember 'zines?) You've given us central air, which I consider an advance on the order of a major vaccine. Hell, you've given us vaccines.

But now you go and take away an entire *(#%# PLANET?

I don't think so.

The Boy has nine (count 'em!) glow-in-the-dark planets hanging from his ceiling, arranged in order around the overhead light, which doubles as the sun. I ain't takin' Pluto down. You people can just stick that in your telescopes and smoke it, just like that Sagan guy. And look what happened to him!

That is all.



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