Friday, January 12, 2007

 

Professional Day Address, with Captions

Welcome back.

I hope you enjoyed that month off with pay. I haven't had one of those since 1994.


Let's start by acknowledging our new colleague, Prof. X.

For those keeping score at home, that's three retirements, one replacement.


And also welcome back Profs. A and B from sabbatical leave.

What is this word 'sabbatical'? What is its meaning?


As the President acknowledged this morning, the college faces another difficult year.

You're sick of hearing it, I'm sick of saying it, but it's still true.


We'll be expecting each department to refer to the plans it submitted in its annual report last Fall, and to carry those plans to fruition this Spring.

Betcha didn't think I read those! Gotcha!


As you've probably heard by now

Gotta love the rumor mill


we're considering some changes to the academic calendar for next year, to better line up our offerings with local expectations about vacations.

Yeah, I know, classes before Labor Day are half-empty.


I've asked the department chairs to lead discussions about the impact that shifting the calendar would have, to see if there are any complications we'd need to work around.

Don't say you weren't included...


I've also asked the chairs

They love it when I do that


to get back to me in a few weeks with requests for funding for any major activities you're planning on for the Spring, so we can get the budgets in line in advance.

Hope springs eternal...


As you know, we have a reaccreditation visit in the not-too-distant future

here it comes...


which means that we'll need to be up to speed in every department, in terms of outcomes assessment.

I'm looking at you, Prof. K...


It's not enough anymore just to do the assessments and gather the data;

though it wouldn't physically kill you to start, Prof. K...


now we have to show that we're making curricular and teaching decisions based on that data.

I've already lost them.


In other words, show that we're using what we've found to improve what we're doing.

I shoulda worn a flak jacket


Because if we don't do thoughtful assessments, we'll wind up with thoughtless, standardized ones from the outside.

No stipends for you!


We'll also be revisiting our Honors program this Spring

because I am a masochist


so if you have any ideas on how to improve that, please tell me or your chair.

not holding my breath...


Just to follow up on some points raised at the Fall meeting

thank God my secretary takes good notes


I'm pleased to report that all classrooms have been equipped with (name the equipment)

bringing us kicking and screaming into the 1990's


We've also expanded our outreach into local high schools

you'd think we would have thought of that before...


with particular help from departments B and C

mention the names, mention the names...


Finally,

maintain...maintain...maintain...


what are your concerns?

Gulp.




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