Monday, January 21, 2008


In Which I Attempt to Watch Football

I can rattle off the many ways in which football is evil, but I still enjoy watching the very occasional game. (Where I grew up, the world was divided fairly clearly into two kinds of people: Buffalo Bills fans, and People Who Are Not From Around Here. I still shudder at the mere mention of the name “Scott Norwood.”) Last night I finally got to watch my first game of the season. Last night's highlight reel, with the camera trained on the living room:

Early in the first quarter, as I attempt to decode the game for The Boy, who is trying to watch: “After each play, they have Circle Time to decide what to do next, just like in preschool.”

Later in the first quarter:

The Boy: Why did that man jump on that other man?

DD: That's called tackling. He's supposed to.

TB: That looks like it hurts!

DD: Yeah. The players get hurt a lot.

TB: I'd rather play basketball.

DD: Good idea.

Early in the second quarter:

TW: More commercials?

DD: Yeah, they do that any time there's a change of possession.

TB: They showed this one already!

TW: You'll notice they're all for beer or cars. That's what men like.

DD: I don't get terribly worked up about either.

TB: I like cartoons.

DD: Yeah.

Shortly before halftime:

TW: I have to color my hair. So you can do touchups in the back during halftime.

DD: (wan smile)

And I did. The hermetically-sealed plastic gloves are incredibly uncomfortable and hard to take off without tearing. I don't dye my own hair, so I really don't have the foggiest idea what I'm doing. And there's something unsettling about experimenting on your wife's head. (Besides, how many synonyms for 'brown' are there in the English language?) It also doesn't quite fit the whole Manly Male Masculine Man Stuff for Guys vibe I'm trying to cultivate. It's hard to look dashing when pulling those saran wrap gloves off by the fingertips. But the job gets done.

The second half featured heavy DVR use, so I could keep taking towels out of the dryer and folding them on the couch.

Sad, really.

Not quite as sad as the Super Bowl in which I spent the entire third quarter adjusting the shoulder straps for a carseat, but still.

Someday The Boy will understand. Until then, I'm pretty good at wan smiles.

Yeah, they just can't get over "wide right."

I love football. But in my defense, I grew up with a father who was a coach and a brother who played in college. I know the game better than some med.
I like the game but I confess that I'm not a great football fan. But I love to assist my wife in those things..
Car Breakdown Cover
I was ~raised~ a Buffalo fan too. =/
Are you currently a Buffaloian?

I'd rather watch hockey. (which also looks like it hurts).
If Dean Dad is a Buffalo fan, he doesn't want to be watching hockey right now either.
I think this episode of "Cat and Girl" sums up my football watching
Dean, try removing gloves from the wrist, and peeling them up over your hands, inside out. mean I'm supposed to have a husband to do the back of my head? And here I've been doing it all myself for 20+ years. I knew I was missing out on something.
My wife makes me cut her hair on occasion--now that's scary! I've also had to do her highlights. These things really test a marriage.
I love my husband to the ends of the earth, but I would NEVER trust him near my hair. Props to both you and Mrs Dean Dad!!! (But ain't it grand how kids change how we perceive *everything*?)
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